MY CHEMISTRY WITH THE TAXI WALLA'S

ALLRIGHT ALLRIGHT, DONT GET EXCITED PPL
WE ARE NOT MADE FOR EACH OTHER, YES CAB WALLS AND I HATE EACH OTHER
EITHER THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY FACE OR SOMETHING WITH THE AREA I LIVE IN
THAT MOST OF THE CABBIES DISAGREE TO DRIVE ME DOWN HOME

WELL I AM MORE OF A BANDRA PERSON,
MAHIM BANDRA ARE APPROXIMATELY 3 KMS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER
SO ON HOLIDAYS OR FREE TIME I MAY EITHER BE SHOPPING AT BANDRA OR HAVING DINNER OR HANGING OUT WITH A FRIEND ETC....AND FINALLY ONE DOES NEED TO GET HOME, RIGHT ?
THATS THE TIME, I HAVE TO BEGIN BEGGING, YES B FOR B-E-G-G-I-N-G

CONVERSATION IS USUALLY LIKE ONE/ALL OF THESE CASES BELOW

ME: BHAIIYA, MAHIM CHALOGE PLS?
CABBIE: NAHI (& SOMETIMES EVEN PLAINLY SHAKING THEIR HEAD DOING THE NO NO OR SOMETIMES EVEN SHAKING PALMS SIDEWAYS)


OR


ME: (JUST PEEPING IN AND BEFORE I CAN ASK)
CABBIE: KAHA CHALOGE
ME: MAHIM, CHALOGE AAP
CABBIE: NAI MADAM JAMTA NAHI HAI
ME: TOH POOCHTE KYU HO ?
CABBIE: LONG PAUSE, PERMANENT SILENCE...LOOKING ELSEWHERE !!


OR


ME: BHAIYAA- MAHIM
CABBIEE: (WITH SOME PAAN OZZING OUT FROM HIS MOUTH) KHALI NAI HAI
ME:KHALI NAI HAI !!!!, KOI TOH ANDAR NAI
CABBIEE: HA WAITING PE HAI
SO I LOOK AT THE METER AND ITS OFF...YEAH THERE I MEET ANOTHER LIAR


OR



ME: BHAIYYA....MAHIM
CABBIEE: GAS NAHI HAI/PETROL NAHI HAI
SO IS THIS FELLOW GONNA SIT HERE ALL HIS LIFE, WHERE INFACT A PETROL PUMP IS JUST A SIGNAL AWAY OR EVEN ATTIMES JUST ACROSS THE ROAD.....IS THE PETROL PUMP GONNA COME TO THE CAB AND OFFER SERVICES LIKE FILLING PETROL/GAS WHEREVER THE CAB IS STATOINED WOW......



OR



ME: BHAIYYA MAHIM
CABIIEE: NO REPLY....NO SIGN LANGUAGE TOO,
ME THINKING: OOOOOOOO POOR FELLOW MUST BE DEAF N DUMB



OR



ME: BHAIYYA.....MAHIM
CABBIE: NAI

SO I WAS WITH A FRIEND AND WHISPERED INTO HER EARS, (BLOODY F***ER WANTS TO DRIVE TO USA IT SEEMS)

CABBIE: MADAM GAALI MAT DO
NOW LOOK AT HIM, HE IS TELLING ME NOT TO ABUSE HIM, NOW DOES HE EXPECT ME TO GIVE HIM A KISS AND SAY, ITS OK HONEY

AT TIMES FROM LINKING ROAD (STARTING NATIONAL COLLEGE) THERE IS A LONG QUEUE OF CABS AND BHAIYYA'S HEATING THEIR BONNET......SO I APPROACH AND ASK HIM IF HE IS WILLING TO DRIVE ME DOWN TO MAHIM......SO NOW THEY BEGIN PLAYING CHINESE WHISPER'S- THEY START WHISPERING INTO EACH OTHER'S EARS.......AND I WAIT AND WAIT AND AT TIMES I END UP ASKING 5 CABS IN A ROW AT ONE TIME INSTEAD OF ASKING EACH ONE OF THEM 5 TIMES... (AS I SAID THEY ARE ALL PARKED BUMPER TO BUMPER TYPES) AND AT TIMES I END UP REACHING BANDRA TALAO AND STUFF LIKE THAT



OR

A FEW OF THEM ARE QUITE NICE, THEY DRIVE ME DOWN STRAIGHT HOME
UMMM, GOOD BOYS, I MUST SAY BUT POOR FELLOWS, DONT HAVE CHANGE, THEY ASK FOR EXACT CHANGE, EG: IF ITS 28 BUCKS, AND I PAY 30, HE SAYS, MADAM CHUTTA NAHI HAI KYA

AND IF I AM IN A GOOD MOOD, I SAY ITS OK AND ASK HIM TO KEEP THE CHANGE
(70% OF THE TIME I DO IT, IF HE APPEARS/BEHAVES HONEST)
BUT BUT BUT IF I REALISE HE IS TRYING TO FOOL ME....... I ASK HIM A SIMPLE QUESTION
ITS ALMOST 9PM, HAVENT U DONE BUSINESS....PASSENGERS ETC ? HOW COME NO CHANGE
PURA DINN KYA KIYA, BHADDA NAHI MILLA KYA





MOST OF THEM COME FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, FOR A JOB- AS A DRIVER

THEY ADD TO THE POPULATION, THEN WHEN THEY GET A JOB, THEY DONT WANT TO DRIVE

THEN THEY CRY AND SAY BHADA NAI MILTA, WHAT THE F**K DO U WANT BUDDY ?



ATTIMES, WE HAVE TO GO LONG DISTANCE TO ATTEND LAGAN NAVJOTES AT CHARNI ROAD, COLABA ETC SO MY DAD FEELS BETTER TO TRAVEL BY AC CAB RATHER THAN HIM DRIVING ETC

AND I THINK HE IS RIGHT, POOR FELLOW IS TIRED FROM WORK ETC SO WE DIAL THE AC CAB A DAY IN ADVANCE AND BOOK IT FOR THE NEXT DAY ETC....AND THAT DAY WHEN WE WAIT FOR THE SO CALLED AC CAB TO ARRIVE. ITS NOT THERE....WE WAIT AND WAIT AND CALL BACK ON THE HELPLINE AND THE LADY SAYS OOOPPSSS SORRY

THIS HAS HAPPENED ATLEAST THRICE WITH US AND TWICE WITH ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE

(AGAIN FROM MAHIM....)



LAST YEAR, I STILL REM THE DATE, 15TH MARCH 2009, I WAS AT THE AIRPORT
(RETURNED FROM AHD - MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING) LIKE IT WAS AROUND 5PM AND IT WAS LIKE REALLY HOT, LIKE KILLING ME TYPES, SO I THOUGHT I PICK THE AC CAB
NOT MANY PPL WERE THERE, SO I WAS LUCKY, I HAD A VERY SMALL BRIEFCASE
WHICH I PLACED IN THE FRONT AND SAT BEHIND
THE CABBIE TURNED ON THE METER (COMPUTERISED METER)
AND I SAID, HA AC KO BHI ON KARO
HE SAID, AC KA CHARGE ALAG HAI MADAM
SO NOW IN MY MIND I UNDERSTOOD HE IS MAKING A FOOL OUTTA ME
SO I SAID TO MYSELF, LET ME SEE TO WHAT EXTENT HE CAN GO
I SAID, OH AC KA CHARGE ALAG LAGTA HAI AC CAB MEIN KYA
HE SAID HA, I DID HMMM
THEN I ROLLED THE GLASSES UP AND SAID, AC ON KARRO
HE AGREED AND AGAIN SORTA REMINED ME SAYING, CHARGE LAGEGA
I SMILED, BLINKED MY EYES, SMILED AGAIN
REACHED HOME IN A FEW MINS....AND PAID HIM THE MONEY WHATEVER SHOWED UP IN THE METER
THEN HE ASKED ME....MADAM AC KA CHARGE
I SAID TO MYSELF, HERE'S THE TIME NOW TO TEAR HIS ARSE APART
I SAID HUM BATANA BHOOL GAYE KI HUM MUMBAI KE HI REHNE WALLE HAI
CHERE SE ITNE BHI ULLU NAHI LAGTE HUM
AND WHILE I WAS TALKING I REMOVED BY PRESS CARD FROM MY PURSE AND SAID
PADHE LIKHE TOH HOGGE AAP...
HAHAHA HIS EXPRESSION WAS PRICELESS, HIS EYE BALLS ALMOST DOUBLED....AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTE SILENCE.......THE CARD SAID IT ALL...

I NEVER MIS-USE THE CARD, BUT YEAH IN SUCH TIMES IT REALLY HELPS



I DONT KNOW HOW MANY OF U HAVE READ THIS POINTLESS NOTE OF MINE
BUT TODAY AM QUITE FRUSTRATED AND SO I THOUGHT I POUR IT ALL OUT HERE ON FB
AAAAH I FEEL GOOD, I FEEL LITE


THE PIC APPEARD IN THE HINDU AND IS PHOTOGRAPHED BY VIVEK BENDRE

AND ONE MORE THING TO ALL THOSE WHO THINK I CANT TRAVEL BY BUS OR TRAIN, I CAN, I DO (AT TIMES) BUT I AM MORE COMFORTABLE THIS WAY